This will be the patient’s last post this evening. Meds time. Time for unbearable lethargy again. Items such as caffeine make her feel on top of the world very quickly. That little bit of Red Bull brought her up to hypomania within several minutes (yes really), and she was able to get up out of bed, take her son to the park, laugh with him, etc. It was pleasant hypomania, which is a mood that she wishes she could feel forever. The good hypomania feels as if she is on a drug, but she isn’t. It’s quite blissful.
She called her mom excited and laughing. Yeah, she was able to do a few things today, but she knows she can’t stay this way. She must get the “downer” medicine in her system on time tonight because the next stage is the anxious and angry spinning hell that she hates.
She was sociable for a while today, too. She stopped by the corner store, and she was talking to some guy who swears he is “Mr. It” at the Applebee’s karaoke. So of course, the patient had to tell him that she might have to stop by next karaoke night and take his crown. Yeah right. Tonight she felt like singing. Tomorrow night…probably not so much. She won’t be going anywhere on this wack meds.
She actually was singing a tune by Whitney Houston when she got home from the store: “Saving All My Love for You.” It wasn’t the first song she was singing this evening. It was just the one she happened to land on. She definitely knows she’s in hypo because that’s when “the artist” wants to take over. She only sings when she is hypo or full blown.
She apologizes for sort of bashing “normal” people earlier. Maybe she’s jealous because she doesn’t function like them. Maybe she just gets irritated because half of them don’t understand, and half of them fear her. I think the fear bothers her the most because she’s not about hurting anyone. She just barks a lot. She’ll cry in a minute as soon as someone hurts her feelings, though, lol.
She wishes the world a good night. She wishes her hypo a good night, as well. By the way, she hates benzos. Not a chance of an addiction as they suck. They did the trick for her the other day, but they left a nasty nasty groggy feeling. She’ll have those emergency benzos on her for quite some time. Yeck.
God, she would love to keep singing and feeling good, but she won’t.