One of the toughest things about living this lifestyle is when we learn that we cannot keep old friendships and acquaintances in many cases. We may struggle with “not wanting to offend anyone” and such thoughts. We may not want to appear “snooty.” We may even think that we are being Christ-like by spending time with some of our old acquaintances. However, we have to draw the line when those acquaintances are not going in the same direction that we are going in. We can’t go backwards, so sometimes we have to make the tough decision of continuing our journeys without some of our former friends and acquaintances.
Several people have challenged me recently. Some of them have challenged me by intentionally throwing old and expired things in my face. I thought such actions were rather hateful, but I just blessed them and moved on, lol. Others have suggested friendly meetings that left me wondering if they were ever really my friends. I’m not sure if they just wanted to be around me to see if my changes were for real, or if they just wanted to poke fun at me and/or my faith. I don’t want to believe that some of them may have been trying to cause me to stumble, but such could be the case. Some of them don’t understand how I refuse to do things now that I may have done in the past.
Well, some of the things I did in the past were downright UNacceptable. Let me clarify that now. I was never “okay” with those things. However, when certain people suffer years of various abuses and devastation, and they expose themselves to too much vulgarity, they can become “numb” to all the ungodly stuff that is going on around them.
They may truly intend to shed love and light on other people, but they can end up being dragged down if they don’t have the support they need. Additionally, if they don’t read the Bible, go to church, pray every day and so forth, they sort of turn their backs to the Lord even though they don’t mean to. They put Him on the back burner for some such human idols that they adore.
My hardships started when I was very young, and my spirit/soul suffered from each abusive person/vulgar person that I met. For example, I never even used profanity until I was 19 or 20, and I exposed myself to a husband who cussed like a sailor. I didn’t know that he had certain problems until after I married him.
He was Catholic, but he participated in various activities that God did not appreciate. To make it worse, this person would try to give me sermons in the middle of the night that spoke harshly against various violations—but he frequently broke almost every violation that he spoke of, LOL! Imagine my young and sheltered confusion. He was 15 years my senior, by the way. This cat was my “spiritual leader” for many years. Let’s just say that our marriage needed to be officially “annulled.” Life got worse for me from there.
Did I think it was “cool” or okay to use profanity? Absolutely not, but it was being fed into my ears on a daily basis by the man I married. Eventually, it started coming out of my mouth. He was “feeding me” many other not-so-healthy things, as well.
I no longer use profanity, and my ears are highly sensitive to such things.
It seems as if the more I suffered abuse and exposed myself to certain things, the more I acted out in inappropriate ways. Every time I did something wrong, I separated myself from God more, as well. My shame and pride kept me from asking for the help and forgiveness that I needed. Additionally, I missed certain steps of faith because of miscommunication within my family.
The me of today is who I really am, and she’s who I was meant to be. I’m that girl that I used to be before I got sucked into the world and battered by various evil entities. I am not snooty, holier than thou or anything of the like. However, I am not going to conduct activities that are against my God ever again unless it’s by mistake. In such a case, I will repent and ask for forgiveness ASAP.
The “old numb me” is dead and gone. I can no longer expose myself to vulgarity, profanity and things that are against His wishes. I think that someone who wants to place me intentionally in such a situation is not a friend of mine. There’s a difference between asking for help and support and intentionally putting me in a bad situation. That isn’t fair, and when put in such a situation, I will choose Christ every time. If it means that I can’t spend time with old acquaintances anymore, then so be it.
There is no reason for anyone to be envious, hateful or demeaning. I suffered a hard life before I got where I am, and I intend to enjoy the remainder of my existence. People beat up on me for decades, and I finally realized that I couldn’t handle such things on my own. The thing is that every person can have the same exact sense of peace and fulfillment that I have. Everyone can have eternal life, as well. It doesn’t cost anything, but you do have to request it and accept it. Additionally, you will have to stop doing things that you know are against God’s wishes. Don’t be mad at me for doing such, or for believing in something that you don’t believe in.