Shall We Crack It Open?

My big day is tomorrow. I have a dentist appointment and a nativity scene, lol. I don’t know how the two are going to mix, but I’m sure the scene is going to be beautiful. I always have a slight allergic reaction to local anesthetic. I get a sore throat and a bit of a fever. The injection site is usually sore and inflamed, as well. It depends on which anesthetic they use. I know lidocaine is a big no-no for me. Lidocaine= temporary unconsciousness. I had a lidocaine epidural for the birth of J. I passed out and had breathing issues. The injection site hurt horribly, and I received no comfort whatsoever during most of the birthing process. It was a scary time. I think they gave me morphine to shut me up after the entire hospital heard me screaming for the Lord (literally). That worked!

I like the folks at this dentist office. They are always gentle and comforting with me. I’ll speak with the dentist about giving me the best anesthetic. I’m sure they have on record what they gave me last time. I had some allergic reactions, but they were bearable. I’m doing the nativity scene no matter what.

I’m going to go to bed early tonight. J wants a Christmas present before Christmas, lol. He knows there is no Santa Claus because I never believed in the custom of lying to children about a random jolly non-parental benefactor. The only downfall about him knowing the true nature of gifting is that he always tries to weasel me into giving him a present early. He’s a persistent little fella. He doesn’t know what he’s getting, but he knows he’s getting something, and he wants one ASAP. Lol.

If I have to crack open something early, it will the Simon Swipe. The tablet is “the big one” that he asked for, and the 3DS game is one that he requested, as well. Those will bring him the most smiles. I don’t know though. Simon Swipe might end up being a hit over here. My son is as enthusiastic about colors/patterns/sounds/sequences as I am. I’ll have to write about the early opening if it occurs. I think he fell asleep for the night, so I’m safe for now. I will try to postpone it as long as possible.

I hope no one thought I was being mean in my earlier post. I was being stern because I don’t like to see people being abused. Some of my commenters and emailers remind me of myself at an earlier time.

We are supposed to forgive everyone who hurts us. We shall not hate other people or seek personal revenge and such. We are also supposed to pray for people who hurt us. However, we are not supposed to include ourselves in things that involve sin and general wickedness. The relationships that I was referring to in my earlier post are abusive. The abusers have obvious ill intent, and no one of any faith (or lack of faith) has to take abuse. Sometimes we have to love other people from afar because not doing so would result in the death of our souls. Sometimes the NC rule is completely necessary.

NC Infinite: Just Stop (Extended Answer)

Today I want to talk about strength and refusing to accept sub-par treatment from other people. I feel so sad when people ask me questions about what they should do in an obviously non-reciprocal “love” situation or one of those narcissistic doodads. I have been there several times, and I have successfully completed the “indefinite separation process” or NC Infinite. Therefore, I can now provide advice on the matter. Thank you for trusting me enough to ask me. My answer to people who feel unloved/used/played is as follows:

You cannot make anyone else love you, follow you, respect you, honor you, marry you, be with you, or see your inner beauty if he simply does not want to do such. You will always end up in the same place (depressed and confused) no matter which angle from which you try to approach the situation. You will make yourself very sick, and the user will not lose any sleep after it’s all said and done. You will.

Stop calling those people who don’t give you the time of day unless they are bored or “lacking something,” lol. Stop answering the phone for such people. Stop listening to their lies. Stop giving them “another chance to come around.” Stop accepting crumbs and morsels of their time. Stop putting those folks on pedestals that they don’t deserve to be on. You were not put on this earth to be another person’s tinker toy. Your time is precious, and you don’t need to give it to someone who wants to play games with you. Tell him to go to Walmart and purchase a board game. I think they have one called Peace Out.

Don’t be mad at the person. Thank the person (for opening your eyes); turn the other cheek, and then walk way. It’s easier than it seems. It might hurt, but then again, it might not if you do it the right way. I did mine the hard way instead of asking for help sooner. I made myself suffer because I felt that my actions—although born of love—were worthy of punishment. You don’t have to suffer like such. You can actually ask for strength and forgiveness at the same time. Just saying. You don’t need to leave your mental and emotional health in the hands of “some lackadaisical guy.” You can get all the love you need elsewhere, and it will be strong and constant.

I felt that the comment/question I received earlier on one of the posts deserved an entire post because I know that many people are out there going through the same thing.

A Little Bedtime Backstory

Bible study was great tonight as always. I am really going to miss my church family when I take that trip to New Jersey, but I haven’t seen my relatives in three years. J was adorable this evening. He was helping the people at church bag candy for the other children, and he wanted to stay! He loves going to church. I’m SO glad that he loves church on his own.

I can’t honestly say that I enjoyed attending church when I was young. We spent our summers in Clarksville, Virginia, and my family members were religious. We had to get up extremely early in the morning to “prepare” for church, and then we had to take a long drive to church. Next, we had to attend these very long church sessions. Now that I think back, they were just Bible studies and worship sessions, lol. They seemed so utterly long back then, however. Nowadays, I feel just like J does about church. I’m delighted about going, and I do not want to leave. However, I know I can worship and study from home, too.

So back to childhood—-we could not say that we didn’t want to go to church when we got that 5 a.m. wake-up nudge. There were no sick days or call-outs, lol. Don’t get me wrong. I am glad that I was raised that way. I’m just saying; I didn’t get the full experience of church enjoyment when I was child.

The Ten Commandments stuck in my mind over the years, as did Psalm 23, which I did not understand when I was young. We had to say it the KJV way, and such language was confusing to me as a kid: The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want….

I used to think, “Why am I praying about a shepherd that I don’t want, and what is a shepherd?” Obviously, I know what it means now.  I TRULY understand what it means to not want for anything anymore. I now prefer the KJV Bible as an adult, and I take it waaaay back to the 1611 version. I’m a huge Shakespeare fan, so I actually appreciate the wording. And no, William Shakespeare did not write the King James Version of the Bible, lol.

Yes, I felt very convicted when I broke rules or commandments in the past, and yes, I was upset when other people in my life broke them, too.

At any rate, I did not want to force my son into my traditions. I wanted to teach him the story and show him what was special about Jesus. I showed him what He did for mommy, and I explained to him what He did for everyone else. He came to love the Lord on his own, and he sincerely likes going to church. I think that’s super-awesome. He always says, “Yay!!!” when it’s time to go. I am extremely happy about that because not all children enjoy church. It’s my bedtime, but I thought I would share a story before I bid you adieu.

What About Christmas?

Ah, the controversial Christmas subject. Should we or shouldn’t we celebrate Christmas? There are many arguments for and against celebrating Christmas. The arguments against it consist of comments such as “It’s pagan,” “Jesus’ birthday is not stated as December 25,” and “The Bible forbids decorating Christmas trees with gold and silver because it is a form of idolatry.”

I think celebrating Christmas is a personal choice between the believer and the Lord. No one should be “condemned” by other Christians for partaking in celebrating Christ’s birth. Even if we do not have the exact date of December 25, some of us have lived for several decades believing that we were celebrating Christ’s birthday on December 25. A Christmas with the right intention should be acceptable. Persons who are not sure about it should pray about it and act accordingly. I personally do not do anything that I feel is wrong from the inside. If I even receive an inkling of a feeling to stop doing a certain practice, I’m done! I stop doing it ASAP whether I understand the inner urge to stop doing the practice or not. No questions asked.

I do celebrate Christmas in moderation. In no way, shape or form do I set up or decorate Christmas trees in my home. I’ve never been a Christmas tree person, but again, that’s a personal choice. I don’t down people who do have Christmas trees, but the Bible does appear to forbid such things.

I have a very young child who has always celebrated Christmas in some manner. I have always personally gotten him something for Christmas, and his other family members have always gotten him something for Christmas. Depriving him of the experience now would be very cruel, and it would affect his psyche. I don’t feel it’s wrong to allow my child to have some joy. HOWEVER, I STRONGLY stress to him the true meaning of Christmas and what it’s supposed to be about. We will be involved in our church events during the holidays. I do not go overboard with the world’s customs, advertisements and “must haves.”

That being said, I think my baby will be happy with his gifts. I got him two games and a tablet of his own. He can do so much with the tablet (watch TV shows, play educational games, do Bible stuff) that it’s a growth asset. One game is for his 3DS, and the other game is a game that I couldn’t believe they were still making: Simon. Remember Simon? Color patterns galore, lol! I bet he will like the Simon game more than anything else just because of the colors and the memory challenges. They have a Simon Swipe version of it. I grabbed it as an extra surprise item that he did not request. We can play it together. We can also “play” with his tablet together and load up all the Christian applications, lol.

I went to bed early last night, so I woke up a bit earlier than usual. I can no longer stay up late. I watched a movie, and I tried to watch a show afterward, but it didn’t work, lol. That’s a good thing. The movie had the usual theme.

Is He Three Different People?

I enjoyed the casual Wednesday night study. The topics of the night were the Holy Spirit, the Trinity, loving your enemies, and being careful not to separate the Old Testament from the New Testament, as they are both parts of the big picture. I sit in church silently. I’ve never had an argument for anything that my pastor has said. We can all ask questions or challenge things if we like, but I haven’t heard anything that I didn’t believe in thus far. I had stopped by as a visitor for about a month or so before I joined the church. I wanted to make sure that my belief system was compatible with theirs. The church is not a huge mega-church, but it’s quite sincere.

I did some Holy Spirit research online a few weeks ago to read about other people’s experiences with it. I read all sorts of things from people saying that they fell out and started speaking in tongues, to people saying that they felt some sort of electrical surge or such. My experience was different. I didn’t get an immediate electrical charge. I have no idea how to speak in tongues, and I didn’t faint.

I received an internal fullness. The void that existed beforehand became filled. I experienced that great love that I was longing for all my life. My compassionate nature became 10 times more compassionate. I became more emotional than I was before, but in a good way (Mrs. Weepytime). My anger and pain went away, and I lost all desire to do various things that I did before the experience (cussing, tinkering, resenting people, and anything bad pretty much). I feel super-convicted about doing anything that is against His wishes, and I simply will not do them anymore.

I developed a desire to read the Bible every day, pray every day, and truly understand the messages I was receiving. I stopped fearing death, and I became truly happy. To me, the Holy Spirit is like a guide and an overwhelmingly loving presence. It’s a calmness and a sense of closeness to my creator.

The Trinity? Hmmm. How does one explain the concept of the Trinity to a six-year-old? In fact, how does one explain the concept of the Trinity to anyone? That conversation came up between my son and me. I think many people have problems explaining it. I did the best I could, and I don’t know whether I’m right or wrong.

My son wanted to know how whether God was three different people or not. I told him yes—and no, lol.

I feel that The Father is the part of him that watches, disciplines and judges his creations. The Son was/is a manifestation of his great love for us. The Son represents his desire to save us all and give us a means to make things right and come home. He is our lifeline, lifesaver or savior. The Holy Spirit is the part of him that touches us directly and works within us. The Holy Spirit is the spiritual essence that fills our hearts, embraces us every day, and helps us to understand our purpose.

That’s the best explanation I could give of my understanding of the Trinity. I guess it works, if you believe in “that stuff.”

The No Contact Rule FAQs, Facts and Q&A

What Is the No Contact Rule?

The no contact rule is a process in which one party completely disassociates from the other party immediately following the breakup of a romantic relationship. The disassociation includes termination of all forms of communication. The parties will not exchange phone calls, emails, text messages, instant messages, video messages, written letters, sign language, smoke signals, telepathic messages, dove messages, raven messages, or messages in a bottle.

What Is No Contact Lite?

No Contact Lite is a form of NC that a person uses if he or she shares a child with the other party. The person will have minimal communication with the other parent, and the content of the conversation will include only visitation plans, appointment times, and other information regarding the child.

Why Do People Do the No Contact Rule?

People implement the No Contact Rule for one of three reasons: to get their ex back, to force a specific relationship change, or to heal and rebuild their lives. Reasons one and two almost always result in an epic fail.

Does the No Contact Rule Work?

That would depend on the user’s motive and his or her definition of the term “work.” See previous answer for the effectiveness of different strategies.

Who Are You?

I am a psychology graduate who has personal experience with narcissists, codependents, people with various addictions, and people with various mental illnesses. I am also an abuse survivor and a former codependent who suffers from bipolar disorder and secondary OCD.

How Long Have You Been Doing NC? Why?

I have done NC for 353 days and 17 hours, 11 months and 19 days, or 30,560,400 seconds. Take your pick. Why? Hmm, well, because I was on a romantic journey to nowhere. I was working as a stunt double/placeholder/fill-in. I was giving and not receiving. My dreams weren’t being fulfilled, etc. and yadda yadda.

How Long Should I Do the No Contact Rule?

The word indefinitely comes to mind first, but if you just want to do it for self-healing, then three to six months should suffice.

When Should I Start the No Contact Rule?

When you feel like you can no longer breathe because of the pain that the relationship is causing you. When you have more bad times than you have good times. When your good times are so short that they don’t even matter anymore. When you realize that the last X amount of years of your life were pointless. When you feel like you want to die because you’ve been used and discarded so harshly. In other words, whenever you’ve had enough. You’ll know when that is.

How Should I Start the No Contact Rule?

You can do it using the Gangsta Style or the Graceful Sweetheart Style. Gangsta style means you don’t tell the other person anything. You just do it, and you like it. The Graceful Sweetheart Style is a compassionate method for a person who still gives a damn whether the NCed party will suffer.

Is the No Contact Rule Cruel?

Yes, it is.

Does the No Contact Rule Hurt?

Yes, it does. If you have a strong bond with the person, then NC will feel as if you ripped your own heart out of your chest, and set it on fire, and forced yourself to watch it burn. The flames will burn for months.

What Items Can Help Me With the NC Rule?

E-mail block lists and call/text blocking software will become your best friends during NC. Yahoo has the best email-blocking program because it sends the messages to oblivion. Oblivion! Not your trash folder—and not your spam folder. You will never see any messages from any party that you have on your block list. Dead2Me is my personal favorite Android app for blocking calls and texts. It’s a no-nonsense program that you can read more about here.

You may also want to read some self-help books although many of them will try to teach you how to “get your ex back.” I do not teach that here. You can read blogs and articles, and you can join NC groups. Many groups and pages exist on the Internet. Additionally, you will want to surround yourself with friends who will act as surrogates/supporters/motivators when you get the urge to contact or answer your ex.

Will I Get My Ex Back?

No, but what you will get is a person who loses respect for you every time you fail NC. You don’t want that kind of person in your life because he or she will just beg you back long enough to use you and abuse you again.

Should I Contact My Ex Again?

What on earth for? Of course you shouldn’t. That doesn’t mean you can’t do it. It just means that you need to think about why you’re doing it first. You could end up with an extremely embarrassing experience on your hands if your ex: has someone else, doesn’t want to speak to you, or doesn’t even remember who the plug you are. Then you’ve placed yourself right back into the “bent over” position to receive more pain or abuse. I say no thanks to that. Maybe you should, too.

What Do I Say After the No Contact Rule?

If you are the person who initiated NC, then the first communication will be difficult (if you must do it). You can probably say anything you want because the other party will think you are crazy no matter what you say.

If you are the person who has been NCed, then you can probably start with an apology. There must be a reason for which you have been NCed. “How have you been?” “I was thinking about you and…” “Sorry things ended the way they did…” Any of those phrases may open dialogue—and I emphasize the word may.

There is no guarantee that the NC initiator will want to talk to you, and you need to ask yourself why you want a response from this person anyway. If you’re ego tripping—just stop it. If you have some positive output—meh. Maybe. Just understand that there is a high chance that you will receive a rejection/no reply, especially if the NC initiator went through hell to disassociate from you.