Provider of Justice

I do still read blogs, by the way. Sometimes it’s rough for me because I do care what’s going on, but I can’t deal with profanity anymore. Yes, I used to use it, especially when injustice was involved, lol. Injustice used to make me very angry, but one day I realized that too much wrath = a doorway for demonic vexation. Demons can and will harass Christians and non-Christians alike, and several things will open the doorways for them to do such. Any sins can open those doorways, including bad language and anger that goes past level 5. I’m saying this because I was definitely tormented by something funky in the past. I think it was due to my anger and an accidental demonic soul tie. Doh!

On the other hand, I’m happy to see people coming forward about these evil narcissists who destroy people’s lives and then get rewarded for it. I’ve seen narcissists get job promotions, additional parenting time, popularity, and now—government benefits—for being evil! LOL! What in the world?

It’s not funny. In fact, it’s downright disgusting. The thing is that “justice” may not come in this lifetime, and the chances of it happening within the world’s corrupt system are slim to none. I’m not saying that some narcissists don’t ever get what they deserve in this lifetime, but it’s rare. They never admit to being narcs, and they always have that nicey-nice role they play in front of people. None of the narcs I encountered was ever abusive in public, except for the one tag team narc who wasn’t too bright. Most narcs are big time manipulators in court. Even if you have a mound of documentation, they still tend to get away with their abuse and receive rewards for such.

Getting justice in this lifetime carries only a small possibility percentage. It depends on what reporter the victim gets, which judge the victim gets, what job the victim is at, etc. If someone blows the whistle on a narc within a corrupt company, that person will not receive justice. If the person reports the narcissism to a wicked entity, the entity will not implement any justice. If the judge in a courtroom is a narcissist, the victim will not receive justice. Sometimes it’s better to take a deep breath and turn the situation over to the Heavenly provider of justice. The Heavenly provider of justice sees all. He will bring justice upon all narcissists, but it will be on His time.

From personal experience, I can say that focusing on injustice causes emotional imbalance. I allowed myself to get way too angry over narcs and their evil acts. The anger only did me harm. Now, I tell some stories about them because I think people should be aware of how they disguise themselves, but I’ve given up on worldly justice. I chose to forgive them and “get back at them” by regenerating, lol. It’s an awesome feeling when you can be happy and completely whole after various narcissists try to rip you to shreds.

Officially “Dumb” and Happy

It’s official. I do not own a smartphone, and no Android tablets are in my home either. I can’t even get MMS on my RAZR right now, and I can’t be bothered with typing text messages with the RAZR’s stiff flat buttons either, lol. If I want to talk, I will have to actually talk. I’d much rather read, however. I bought several faith and healing books, and people gave me a few paper books, as well. Most of them are abuse recovery books. One is about confirming who you really are as a person. A person from one of my recovery classes gave me that one.

It Feels Good to Use My Voice

Many times, codependents do not use their own voices or display their own personalities. Instead, their identities become that of a way-too-accommodating daughter/wife/friend/girlfriend of some such user/abuser. They appear to go along with their abusers because they are so stifled, paralyzed and beat down by their circumstances.

No one really knows who these codependents are because they spend most of their time entangled with some other dysfunctional person(s). Their abusers don’t know who they are because they simply don’t care. They try to make them like them, and they beat them when they refuse. They tell them they are bad and worthless people just about every day of their lives. They tell them with their words and their actions toward them.

It can be quite shocking when a codependent finally says, “Hey! This is me! This is the silent person who was stifled by years of shame and abuse.”

Peek-a-Boo!

I am a separate person from the people I interacted with throughout my life. I have my own values, ideas, desires, etc. I am not a harlot (or a redeemed harlot), dummy, loser, fatty, monster, dog, N-word, B-word or any other negative term. I’m doing exactly what I like to do these days, and I no longer care whether it’s “in” or accepted by the masses. Jesus is of course providing me with the power to change things. I had no strength whatsoever without Him directing my life.

I Prefer to Own a Dumbphone

Know what I noticed about “smartphones” and Google software? If a person has bad people in his or her life, Google will keep on restoring them to the contact list or memory card every time that person gets a new “smartphone,” ha-ha! It’s really difficult to permanently delete toxic folks from an Android because of the way everything is integrated. How many times have people tried to get rid of contacts and found that they had duplicate or triplicate entries in their contact lists? How many times have those old deleted numbers been restored? Lol. After a while, folks just get tired of multiple deletion attempts.

With a dumbphone, one can punch in whomever is good for his or her spiritual and emotional health and leave off the rest. A dumbphone user can delete someone forever—the first time! The dumbphone owner will not have quadruplicate entries unless he or she manually puts in a person’s name and number several times, and who would do that intentionally??? It just doesn’t happen on a dumbphone.

The GPS-Less Journey

My GPS-less journey went well yesterday. I had to find this one place using the old-school method of looking at the numbers on the buildings until I found my destination. It wasn’t that difficult. When I get ready to take a long trip, I will probably use the old-school paper map method. I used to go on many trips to other states. We used paper maps. One person would drive, and the other person would read the directions. It will be harder with me being the only driver, but it won’t be impossible. I can just look at the mileage counter and figure it out.

More changes will occur in the near future. Eventually, my online presence will diminish. Until then, I will continue to discuss the Lord’s goodness, grace and strength.

Under the Influence

“Yawn” is what people will say about technology, careers, romance, material items and all the devil’s little enticements once they actually meet the creator and spend some time with Him. They’ll be like, “Never mind” to like—everything else. Seriously. Nothing can compare to the joy and peace that one will find in the Lord, but so many distractions exist that prevent people from getting there.

I walked around in the mall today and noticed that everyone was on his or her “smartphone.” This smartphone craze has become such an epidemic that it makes the Lord’s work challenging. Not that I did much today. I was just scoping things out.

I officially own a dumbphone now. I’m using a Motorola RAZR flip phone as my dumbphone: NO GPS, NO Radio, poor camera (VGA, 640 x 480 pixels), 5.5 MEGABYTES of internal memory, and a whopping 2.2-inch display! Additionally, the unit has the old-fashioned WAP 2.0/xHTML browser that I highly recommend for people who like to test their patience. It’s so slow that no one will want to be bothered with fidgeting on the Internet from it. It is truly just a phone.

I like it because it came out when Motorola was still Motorola. There’s no Google software associated with it, which is another plus. Interested parties can get one of these fine unlocked granddaddies for the low low price of $20-$30 on eBay. I have my smartphone up for sale now. I will give it about 24 hours, and then I will kindly throw it in the lake if no one buys it, lol. I don’t need that junk.

Weaning off the GPS has not been as easy as I thought it would be, but I have no choice but to go along with it at this point, lol. I got lost after the codependency class last night. Drove around probably for a half hour to forty-five minutes. The mistake that I made was trusting “man” before I asked the Lord to guide me. Some woman gave me the wrong directions with such high certainty, ha-ha. I didn’t get mad because I wasn’t in a rush. I like taking long drives anyway.

I ran into another “devil person” at the gas station last night. Devil people (people who are under strong demonic influence) always walk up to me without being prompted, or they start talking at me out of their cars. They’re always angry. Some of them are cashiers who sarcastically mock the cross whilst waiting on me. I do not provoke these persons.

The last devil person tried to “accuse” me and threaten me with something extremely corny. Last night’s devil lady wanted to talk to me about some weird cable company subjects. I directed her to her service provider, and I didn’t get too involved with the conversation. Devil Lady rambled on and on until suddenly—she dropped a big fat intentional GD bomb—and I wigged.

AAAAH! NOOO! DON’T TAKE THE LORD’S NAME IN VAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN!!!!

Lol! Ouch! Such language drives me up a wall nowadays. Yeah, I don’t mix well with GD-ers, vulgar talkers or users of “regular profanity” these days. I get different levels of squeamishness with each type. I feel bad because I didn’t give the devil lady a copy of the gospel. Like I said, I couldn’t remain in her presence. It appeared that asking her not to use the Lord’s name in vain struck a nerve. She blew a gasket of some kind, and she started cussing at me with a colorful assortment of additional terms. I couldn’t help her, lol. She may have needed an exorcism or such.

I know ya’ll probably think this is just some crazy talk, but it’s for real. The cool part is that I know I’m not supposed to be scared of the devil people. Therefore, I’m not frightened when they expose themselves, but sometimes I think, “Wow, do I really need to be seeing this?”

Lol. Like I said, the first time it happened to me, it was super painful. I am used to it now, however. Many people seem to be “under the influence” of the evil one these days. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do, but I will figure it out. Dude, I just went outside to go to a meeting.

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A Good Person/ Trying Hard

I had an urge to reach out this morning to all the “good people” and the people who “try hard” to be Christians. I just want to make it clear that many “good people” will not inherit the kingdom of God. A human’s greatest effort is but a filthy rag to the Lord. That’s the truth whether it’s easy to swallow or not. Part of the reason that unbelievers never get saved is that they think that being a “good person” is good enough. Part of the reason that some believers remain immature in the Lord is that they keep “trying hard” to be “good Christians.”

I needed to write this because I do care about other people. I know sometimes it sounds like I don’t want anything to do with other people, but that’s not entirely so. I am just so relieved to feel comfort and peace after all the years of continuous abuse. I think any other abuse survivor would feel the same. He or she would probably want to stay away from the devil’s world/people/things after experiencing true and pure love as opposed to pure hatred and deceit.

I used to think I was a “good person,” and I thought I was a “good Christian,” too. In fact, I was trying so hard to be both that it looked like I wasn’t trying at all. I was trying as hard as I possibly could. I “forgave” people who hurt me. I loved everyone. I was compassionate. I “fought for justice.”

I was transparent and honest most of the time. I stayed in my house and kept to myself most of the time. The reason I say most of the time is that everyone has a sinful nature that he or she has to deal with. I’m not any different. Therefore, I did some things that were un-Christian-like, and I had no idea why I did them, lol. I did other things because I honestly believed people’s lies and tricks.

My human efforts were not good enough, and my self-righteousness and self-sufficiency were unacceptable. The Lord does not want human efforts toward perfection; he wants us to admit that we are imperfect and that we need Him. He doesn’t want his creations to try to do things themselves; he wants to show us how He wants them done. Thirdly, he doesn’t want religion; he wants a personal relationship. A personal relationship involves trust, appreciation, honesty and the like.

With the Lord’s help, a person will undoubtedly know which acts disgust and offend Him. Justifying and continuing such acts for any reason will be impossible for the Spirit-led/Spirit-filled person. Being around sin will be extremely uncomfortable, and the Spirit-led person will want to flee ASAP. Associating with people who hate the Lord will be impossible for such a person, as well.

One can find a “list of sins” in the Bible. One can read about the Lord’s godly jealousy, His hatred of sin, etc. in the Bible. However, many people do not understand the true seriousness of the offenses until a close personal relationship with the Lord develops. Long story short: He likes obedience, dependency, intimacy and praise. All of those “ingredients” bring forth a greater understanding of “Christianity,” but intimacy/trust is crucial.

The year 2013 was a big year for me. My eyes started opening all the way that year. I started seeing the true intentions of some of my “friends.” I started feeling the lashes from the hatred, mocking and ridicule of some of my co-workers and bosses. Additionally, I started picking up on corruption, blatant God-mocking corporate systems and outright lies.

The crystal-clear clarity came to me suddenly, and I was not prepared to see such ugliness that day. It was more painful than any labor pains or surgery than one could ever imagine. I came out of a fog and realized that a bunch of people that I genuinely cared about were sincerely trying to kill my soul. I’ve been growing steadily since then. My growth didn’t just start in October of 2014, but I did get stronger every time I performed an act of obedience. Baptism, confession, requesting help, prayer, worship, studies, refusing to sin etc. = acts of obedience.

The Lord hates sexual immorality of all kinds. Straight up. If people do not confess or repent of such behaviors (and many other sins), they will receive wrath instead of the kingdom. He will not “know” believers when they say, “Lord, Lord!” It does not matter if they committed the sins under false pretenses or whatnot. They just need to stop, repent/confess and flee. Walk away and apologize. Establish purity, and do not compromise for any reason of any kind. The devil and its workers will try to convince folks to excuse or justify sinful behavior, but the truth is that those people will not inherit the kingdom of God if they continue committing acts of sexual immorality. Need proof? See 1 Corinthians 6:9-11. This web page has some good information on the verse, as well.

The sinful nature must be crucified immediately. Abusive relationships must be abandoned immediately. Believers must not allow satan or his people to rob them of their inheritance.

Relapse Prevention

The codependency class went well tonight. The subject was relapse prevention. I did quite a bit of talking today, and I’m not usually talkative. Like I said, I am bonding with the women in the group. It took a good two months for me to start really talking. I see that part of my personality didn’t change.

At any rate, I have not relapsed. If anything, I’ve been slowly closing doors that needed to be shut. I did get hurt once since the burden was lifted from me, but I prayed about the hurt and gave it away immediately. Let’s just say I got hit with a third-party dart and an unexpected dart from childhood. I realized at that point that sometimes we have to separate from family members to maintain our wellness. It’s not easy, but it needs to be done if the relations are not positive. I will no longer communicate with anyone who leaves me with a crappy feeling at the end of a conversation. The boundaries have to be firm and unwavering for growth to increase.

The “narcissist series” is something that I felt compelled to do. Exposing pure evil is sort of on the “to do” list. Usually, I will receive a “pull back tug” if I write anything that I am not supposed to write, and such a post never sees the light of day, lol. You’ll have to trust me on that. Going against the grain never felt good to me, and it would be extremely difficult—if not impossible—for me to do it now. There is a legitimate purpose for the narc posts, and it’s not payback, obsession, unforgiveness, or the like. I am completely emotionally separated from such incidents at this point. Anyway, I think I’ve pretty much covered all of them. The main point is that all narcissists wear different masks, but their inner spirit is the same. It is an anti-God spirit.

It’s time for my reading and prayer, but I wanted to notate that something good happened this evening. I actually got a job connection. I had to find alternative survival methods because several of the sites I was “working” for started acting negatively strange. I have to keep following my inner leads no matter what happens around me. Hopefully the job lead will work out. I would probably want to do part-time as not to affect my church-oriented schedule.

Hello and Thank You

I just wanted to stop in and say thank you to the new followers and the people who have reblogged my narcissist posts, lol. I had to edit some of them because I just realized they had errors. I’m glad you found the information helpful. I was out in the battlefield for a good portion of my life, but I never got angry at God or anything. I knew I was not doing right by Him, even when I thought I was doing good to other people.

What the Lord says goes, and that’s how we need to live our lives. If we don’t, the cruel people in the world will have a field day with us. Sheep can’t do anything without their Shepherd leading them. They aren’t very smart, apparently. They’re just gullible, blind and vulnerable, which are qualities that the narcissist loves to trample on. It’s my pleasure to provide the community with some insight on these not-so-nice people. However, I do not want anyone to get the idea that I hate anyone. I don’t hate the narcissists, but I surely hate what they do to people. I hate the creature who is behind their activities, as well. Narcissists are being used, and they probably don’t realize it. They do have a choice, however, once they find out that they are being used.

I do not hate men, but like I said, the Lord is in control of my life. If He does not approve of a man who comes my way, then I cannot associate with such a person. Additionally, a man who calls himself a Christian is not necessarily a Christian, so I listen to what the Lord says about him, as well. He knows His own people. Remember I said that there are “Christian” narcissists running around? More on that later, but we’re not supposed to be mixed up with them either. Such people are not really brothers, so we are not going against any commands by diming them out, lol.

I’m attaching a skit that I found on YouTube. Believers will like this because I’m sure they’ve all experienced this at one point in their lives. I’m sure many people have “invited Jesus in” earlier in life but were not ready to give him the seat. Well—He won’t take it if a person doesn’t give it to Him—but that person’s life will be horrible without Him sitting on it. Just saying. I experienced such a life. I will continue with the narc stuff on Monday.