How to Handle Text Bombs

I just woke up from a nap and realized that I had been text bombed again. Text bombing is the type of behavior that people deal with when they interact with a narcissist, lol. It’s a control game. I refused to release any of my emotions to the narcissist, so he now has to keep trying to get an emotional response from me. Narcs will say anything to get “some” kind of emotional reaction. Since he couldn’t make me feel angry or crappy about myself (not gonna happen), the narcissist now wants to “salvage our friendship.” It’s a way of trying to maintain contact so that he can try to release a surprise E-bomb on me in the future.

It’s a trick. I’m supposed to try to salvage the friendship (why?), and then he will insult, argue, blame game or some other such nonsense again. It’s a very sick game that I do not play anymore. I only spoke to him once as a pre-divorce courtesy. I will pray for him, and I will ask the members of my church to pray for his wellness, too.

If you ever get into such a situation—stay silent—refuse to argue—-or agree with whatever they say (who cares?). Don’t release any of your emotional energy. Back away from the interaction, and do not return to it. Do not view the texts or anything. Just delete the entire threads. No need to download any special software unless you feel vulnerable to it. The narc will stop eventually.

I didn’t realize he was a narco until today. I should have realized by my history that I had married another one, but I never put two and two together with S. I had him pegged for another less destructive illness classification. Now that I have been away from such people for so long, I can see the NPD traits clearly and quickly.

I have a fancy pastel green shirt on tonight. I just smiled in the mirror, and I liked my smile. I’m so silly. Joshua said he liked my smile, too. The color looks good on me. It’s very “holiday season,” ha-ha. I am a little tired, but I’m ready to eat, pray and be around some light and some love.

The Faux Christian Award Goes To…

I just had the worst conversation humanly possible, but now my conscience will not bother me when I file. I tried to do the right thing from a biblical standpoint. My therapist even agreed with me that believers should always “try” to reconcile. And like I wrote earlier, Mr. C had attempted such a while back, but I wasn’t ready for forgiveness at that time. It didn’t go well at all today, and at this point, there is nothing I can do. Game over, and thanks for the closure.

The man is the perfect example of a highly intelligent person who claims to be “Christian,” but does not have a Christian heart. He can quote Bible Scriptures like nobody’s business, but his heart is not Christ-like in any way. In five minutes of conversation, I heard an insult to the Jewish people, an insult to my church, a total cop-out on the marriage, and the “blame game.” Really?

I tried to find common ground with him (religion), but he’s not religious. He’s perhaps a narc who uses religion to demean folks and such. I don’t know. The anti-Jewish stuff was the first commentary that turned me off. A real Christian does not demean other peoples’ faiths.

It seemed like he wanted to fight me, hurt me, argue with me, and bring up things from almost five years ago while blaming the demise of the marriage on me. In the same breath, he said that he had “forgiven” me. I didn’t get a forgiving impression from all the negative energy he blew my way. Was he really trying to start an argument over a day in April of 2010? If he were really in the faith, he would not have reacted that way.

Therefore, all the book “knowledge” that he has from the Bible is worthless because he isn’t practicing it. He copped out. That was totally okay with me, but we could have done it without fishing for a fight. I don’t fight. I simply present a person with an offer, and the person can take it or leave it. I remember everything that happened, but I will not argue about it or play the blame game. I will take the blame for him if it makes him feel better about himself. :-)

The whole thing is kind of funny because I never once argued back or got involved with the negativity. I gave answers such as, “Okay, I just wanted to see how you felt so that I would know what to do.” I calmly said, “Okay, I see you’re getting into things from many years ago, so I have my answer.” I blessed him and told him to enjoy his Thanksgiving. I told him I’d pay for the procedure and that I would “take care of everything.” That made him rant even worse, lol. I got text-bombed, etc. He called, but at that point, I had Exodused myself out of the interaction.

Honestly, I was just trying to do what I felt I had to do since I am still married to this person. Make an attempt. Extend a hand. At least try. I did that. I don’t need to do anything else except file my papers. I don’t care who pays for them at this point. I’m okay. I feel free to divorce and re-marry one day now.

Enjoy your Thanksgiving. Our church dinner is this evening, and I’m supposed to be writing a few articles before I go.

I See the Huge Difference Now

I was so peaceful last night that I did not wake up until 9 a.m. Oops. I went to bed after I read the Bible. I read two short books: Jonah and Titus. As I said, I read the Old Testament and the New Testament. I started out only reading the Old Testament, but such is not the case any longer. I do love my Old Testament reading, however. In fact, Leviticus is probably my favorite OT book simply because it is mostly about laws.

I will probably be done with the first complete Bible read-through within a few months. The first read-through will be fast paced (while still retaining the information). The following read-throughs will be slow and studious.

J has been asking if he can join me when I pray at night, so we’ve been praying together.

I put my headphones on my ears before I lay down, and I purposely turned on the second part of the OXYGEN: INHALE album. The songs “Light Up,” “In My Room,” “Oxygen,” and “Glow” are clearly songs of worship, and they are beautiful. I downloaded Thousand Foot Krutch’s previous album, The End Is Where We Begin, and I see a huge difference between the albums. I now understand why the long-term fans complained, but I don’t have the same complaints.

The previous album is clearly more “metallic” than the newest one is. I think they only have one slow song on it. It REALLY kicks. Therefore, a metal fan or extremely hard rock fan may have an issue with OXYGEN: INHALE. A non-believer may have an issue with OXYGEN: INHALE, as well.

It seemed to me as if the group decided to focus more on worshiping the Lord in their newest album than on pleasing the fans or being popular. It took great courage for Trevor McNevan to sing those beautiful love songs to God. Some of the group’s fans were down right mean about it. Some of them even insulted the worship.

I think the album shows his extensive vocal range. He can rap, scream or sing a pretty ballad. I like such a variety. I perform such a variety.

I’m a big metal and hard rock fan, but actually, I prefer OXYGEN: INHALE to the other album. Not that the other album doesn’t REALLY kick. I like it a lot, and I will play it during workouts. I like the direction they are going in with the new album better though. I will be on board when they release OXYGEN: EXHALE.

On that note, I will disappear. I have so much work to do today.

More Music Debates

I had an interesting conversation with a believer friend who informed me that some folks see rock music as bad altogether. Now mind you, such a friend used to be a fan of the same secular bands that I liked. The person was just informing me that some C-groups frown upon all rock music, even Christian rock. Hmmm.

Well, I did mention Thousand Foot Krutch to a member of my church this Sunday. He is a young man whom I felt may be a fan of Christian rock. He said he does listen to the genre, but then he asked me if the band I spoke of was on K-LOVE, which is a Christian radio station. I told him I had no idea because I do not listen to the radio (I mostly play CDs). I got the impression that if the group is on K-LOVE, then it is acceptable.

I checked out K-LOVE online, and I did find Thousand Foot Krutch through their search tool. I found their “Rawkfist” song, lol. Therefore, I guess the group is acceptable to my church. I’m glad because I would have had an issue if it weren’t acceptable.

I think the lyrics and the messages are what makes music “good” or “bad.” The strength of the listener matters in terms of influence, as well. I wasn’t out there doing all the bad things that the secular rock bands were discussing even when I was listening to them. I wasn’t even close.

Listening to Secular rap music didn’t make me do anything those fellas were talking about either. I’ve listened to both extremes of music and everything in between. Could some of the music have possibly influenced my thinking and encouraged some of the sins that I committed in the past? Meh, I don’t know. I don’t think so, but I can’t be 100 percent sure. Since I can’t be 100 percent sure, I no longer leave any openings by listening to songs that promote or glorify whoopie/drugs/violence.

As far as Christian rock and Christian metal goes, I feel like this: If people have the talent to create catchy, riffin’ gospel tunes, what is wrong with that? Trendy music reaches younger crowds, and we want to reach as many people as possible, yes?

If listeners get emotional, and they shake their heads hard (form of dancing) to songs about the Lord, how is that a bad thing? People are supposed to praise his name with song and dance. Yah, it’s in the Bible. No, I’m not quoting it unless you ask me to.

The songs are not the traditional hymns that people sing in church, but they are godly songs. I feel like crying from happiness when I hear the slow songs on the album, and the hard songs make me feel positive energy. In what way is that bad or ungodly? People who condemn the music may want to actually listen to the lyrics. I’m just saying.

Blog or Diary?

My blog is starting to read like a diary, isn’t it? Maybe that’s why my stats are drowning. Ha. It’s a good thing I don’t care about such things anymore. I do use my blog in that way sometimes. I still write my most intimate details in my private diary, but I share a lot on my blog, too. I don’t have many “private” and unspeakable things going on anymore, so I end up here most of the time. I’m writing for the anti-bully site again tonight. They have a mental health sector. Again, it doesn’t pay much, but I have extensive experience in the topics.

I probably wasted my time with the long job application today. I get confused sometimes about what I want to do. Having a disability is difficult. I don’t want corporations to discriminate against me, but I haven’t really shown them that I can work without episodes, either. Disability is a catch-22 situation. You’re bleeped if you do and bleeped if you don’t. The government makes it hard as crap for a disabled person to get his or her benefits. Meanwhile, corporations try as hard as they can to avoid hiring a disabled person. Hmm, and I’m supposed to pay my bills how???? No one cares, and that’s part of the problem in this country. I don’t know how other countries operate. I can only comment on mine.

Discrimination doesn’t just happen to people with mental illnesses. I saw it happen to a man in a wheelchair once. I’ve seen many unfair things on my journeys with different employers. My intention is NOT to cause any organization harm. I’m not here to name names or sue folks. If I intended to do such, I would have done it a long time ago. The system is set up so terribly that it’s almost impossible for a single disabled person to survive. That’s all I’m saying.

I sincerely would like to be able to work on a part-time basis one day doing something in the medical field. I know that I can’t handle full-time work, but I could probably swing something that had limited hours and split days, lol. I apply for jobs at my leisure, and I don’t sweat them. Someone will call one day when I least expect it. If they don’t, then I guess God intends for me to lay back on my beanbag chair and write when I can. It would be nice to get out sometimes during the day and do something meaningful. Unfortunately, I can’t afford to do volunteer work. Okay, back to scribing. Just…one…more…

The No Contact Rule FAQs, Facts and Q&A

What Is the No Contact Rule?

The no contact rule is a process in which one party completely disassociates from the other party immediately following the breakup of a romantic relationship. The disassociation includes termination of all forms of communication. The parties will not exchange phone calls, emails, text messages, instant messages, video messages, written letters, sign language, smoke signals, telepathic messages, dove messages, raven messages, or messages in a bottle.

What Is No Contact Lite?

No Contact Lite is a form of NC that a person uses if he or she shares a child with the other party. The person will have minimal communication with the other parent, and the content of the conversation will include only visitation plans, appointment times, and other information regarding the child.

Why Do People Do the No Contact Rule?

People implement the No Contact Rule for one of three reasons: to get their ex back, to force a specific relationship change, or to heal and rebuild their lives. Reasons one and two almost always result in an epic fail.

Does the No Contact Rule Work?

That would depend on the user’s motive and his or her definition of the term “work.” See previous answer for the effectiveness of different strategies.

Who Are You?

I am a psychology graduate who has personal experience with narcissists, codependents, people with various addictions, and people with various mental illnesses. I am also an abuse survivor and a former codependent who suffers from bipolar disorder and secondary OCD.

How Long Have You Been Doing NC? Why?

I have done NC for 353 days and 17 hours, 11 months and 19 days, or 30,560,400 seconds. Take your pick. Why? Hmm, well, because I was on a romantic journey to nowhere. I was working as a stunt double/placeholder/fill-in. I was giving and not receiving. My dreams weren’t being fulfilled, etc. and yadda yadda.

How Long Should I Do the No Contact Rule?

The word indefinitely comes to mind first, but if you just want to do it for self-healing, then three to six months should suffice.

When Should I Start the No Contact Rule?

When you feel like you can no longer breathe because of the pain that the relationship is causing you. When you have more bad times than you have good times. When your good times are so short that they don’t even matter anymore. When you realize that the last X amount of years of your life were pointless. When you feel like you want to die because you’ve been used and discarded so harshly. In other words, whenever you’ve had enough. You’ll know when that is.

How Should I Start the No Contact Rule?

You can do it using the Gangsta Style or the Graceful Sweetheart Style. Gangsta style means you don’t tell the other person anything. You just do it, and you like it. The Graceful Sweetheart Style is a compassionate method for a person who still gives a damn whether the NCed party will suffer.

Is the No Contact Rule Cruel?

Yes, it is.

Does the No Contact Rule Hurt?

Yes, it does. If you have a strong bond with the person, then NC will feel as if you ripped your own heart out of your chest, and set it on fire, and forced yourself to watch it burn. The flames will burn for months.

What Items Can Help Me With the NC Rule?

E-mail block lists and call/text blocking software will become your best friends during NC. Yahoo has the best email-blocking program because it sends the messages to oblivion. Oblivion! Not your trash folder—and not your spam folder. You will never see any messages from any party that you have on your block list. Dead2Me is my personal favorite Android app for blocking calls and texts. It’s a no-nonsense program that you can read more about here.

You may also want to read some self-help books although many of them will try to teach you how to “get your ex back.” I do not teach that here. You can read blogs and articles, and you can join NC groups. Many groups and pages exist on the Internet. Additionally, you will want to surround yourself with friends who will act as surrogates/supporters/motivators when you get the urge to contact or answer your ex.

Will I Get My Ex Back?

No, but what you will get is a person who loses respect for you every time you fail NC. You don’t want that kind of person in your life because he or she will just beg you back long enough to use you and abuse you again.

Should I Contact My Ex Again?

What on earth for? Of course you shouldn’t. That doesn’t mean you can’t do it. It just means that you need to think about why you’re doing it first. You could end up with an extremely embarrassing experience on your hands if your ex: has someone else, doesn’t want to speak to you, or doesn’t even remember who the plug you are. Then you’ve placed yourself right back into the “bent over” position to receive more pain or abuse. I say no thanks to that. Maybe you should, too.

What Do I Say After the No Contact Rule?

If you are the person who initiated NC, then the first communication will be difficult (if you must do it). You can probably say anything you want because the other party will think you are crazy no matter what you say.

If you are the person who has been NCed, then you can probably start with an apology. There must be a reason for which you have been NCed. “How have you been?” “I was thinking about you and…” “Sorry things ended the way they did…” Any of those phrases may open dialogue—and I emphasize the word may.

There is no guarantee that the NC initiator will want to talk to you, and you need to ask yourself why you want a response from this person anyway. If you’re ego tripping—just stop it. If you have some positive output—meh. Maybe. Just understand that there is a high chance that you will receive a rejection/no reply, especially if the NC initiator went through hell to disassociate from you.